It's hard to believe that I haven't posted anything since November of last year! Where is the time speeding off to? I have been extra busy since the beginning of the year being back in school, which definitely takes up a great deal of my writing mind space.
I'll briefly update you on what has happened since my last post....
The children and I passed the 3rd year anniversary of being abuse free on January 8, 2012. Hooray!!! It's hard to believe three years have passed already. Life is never easy, but it's good. Living without fear is something that I had forgotten about for so long. At times there's this feeling like everything that happened was a dream, in the sense that it is hard for me to find any connection in real life to it. It was actually a living nightmare when I went through it and I will never forget it in my mind,
but God has erased the memory from my soul.
My car was hit on January 4th, about five minutes after I returned home. I heard a loud bang outside and looked out the window to see that there was a car smashed into a car that was partially on the sidewalk. Once my brain processed that, the next thing it processed was, I had just parked behind the little white car on the sidewalk. So my eyes went past that car and on to my own, and I could see the hood was crumpled in. I raced outside and saw the driver of the vehicle that caused all the damage. I asked him, "What did you do?!!" He just said, "I'm so sorry, I lost control of the car." It was a four car accident, the driver's car hit a white car head on, that car hit mine, and my car hit the car behind me.
Well, my car had to be towed away and it was later deemed a total loss by both insurance companies. At the time of the accident, all I could think of was, how was I going to get to work, get the kids to all of their Y activities, and how was I going to get my oldest son, who was visiting for the holidays, back home? I was upset and kept thinking, why me? Of all the people on the block, why me?
Then, while I was standing there just analyzing everything and thinking, the Holy Spirit brought something to my attention. I had just returned from the supermarket with a car load of groceries. I had taken some in and stopped inside the house briefly to use the bathroom and say good morning to the kids, that's when I heard the crash. If I had gone straight back outside to get the groceries from my car after I had taken in the first bags, I may have been inside of my trunk when my car was hit. If I were there, my legs would've been crushed or worse. So although my car was totaled, I was saved. At that moment, the car or the problems associated with losing it, paled in comparison and I began to praise and thank God for being so good to me yet again.
I had to rent a car which cost me about $400 or so dollars, which I couldn't afford, but what could I do? Well, turns out, out of the three parked cars damaged in the accident, my car had 52% of it. The driver's insurance coverage was $5,000, which had to be split three ways and since I had the most damage, I was going to get the biggest check. I was the winner in the crashed car lottery! God truly does make everything, even things that suck, turn out for our good.
My mechanic was able to fix my totaled car for less than half of the check I was going to receive. And after I subtracted the cost of the rental, I had a profit of $1100! God had given me back double of what the enemy tried to steal from me. Although I do thank God all the time, even for something as simple as a good parking space, it can be hard to remember to thank Him when things look bad. I look forward to the day when, if my car is hit, my immediate response is, "Thank you for that Lord, because I know you are going to bless me in this!" In ALL things, give thanks. (1 Thessalonians 5.18)
The children's father never did his due diligence to see the children, so Catholic Charities closed the case again. I think he doesn't want to come down for fear he will be served with a summons for non-payment of child support. His fears are well founded considering he owes $72,625 in unpaid support. He's in hiding, which is fine, because he is leaving us alone.
He's so afraid of me having any inkling of his address, that when he sent the kids their Christmas presents at then end of January, he used his mother's name and address for the return address on the package. God is not mocked, in due time we will reap what we sow. All the years he caused me to live in fear, now he lives in fear that he has created for himself and he still doesn't get it. He won't do what's right to set himself free. He once created a prison for me, now he lives in that prison alone. I will continue to pray for him as a lost soul that God loves as much as He loves me.
Since January the children are enrolled in classes at the Y five days a week, with our only days off being Thursday and Sunday. They are taking art, dance, theater, tennis, basketball, and swimming. With them being there so much, I decided I might as well take advantage of it as well. So while they are busy doing their thing, I'm busy with step aerobics, yoga, fitness boxing, and zumba.
With all of that and the regular grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc., the week goes by pretty quickly, with me just barely managing to get everything accomplished and often having to put some things off til later....including rest. Sometimes while I am awake, I feel like I could sleep for at least 2 days straight.
Other than that, I am focusing on finishing up this spring semester, getting the kids (who are all on the honor roll) through this school year, figuring out what and where and then going on our 2nd annual family vacation later this year...it's looking like a cruise.
I have heard from some of my site's visitors over the past few months. Thank you for writing and sharing with me. Thank you for trusting me with your questions and fears. I will keep you and your families in prayer and hope you find this site as a place of encouragement and validation of your experience. I understand first hand what you are going through. Sometimes that's all we need is for someone to say, "This thing that happened to you was awful and it wasn't your fault. You weren't crazy as your abuser would have you believe and you didn't deserve it. But your life isn't over, that isn't the end of your story. You are special and God still has an awesome plan for your life!"
