January 20, 2011


Don't worry about the wicked. 
Don't envy those who do wrong. For like grass, they soon fade away. Like springtime flowers, they soon wither.  

Trust in the LORD and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desires.
Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence as clear as the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.  

Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop your anger. Turn from your rage. Do not envy others -- it only leads to harm.  
For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the LORD will possess the land. 

In a little while, the wicked will disappear. Though you look for them, they will be gone.  
Those who are gentle and lowly will possess the land; they will live in prosperous security.  

The wicked plot against the godly; they snarl at them in defiance.  
But the Lord just laughs, for he sees their day of judgment coming.  

The wicked draw their swords and string their bows to kill the poor and the oppressed, to slaughter those who do right. But they will be stabbed through the heart with their own swords, and their bows will be broken.  (Psalm 37.1-15)

I LOVE the LORD! The more trials I face, the more I marvel at how God turns things around in my favor. The bible says, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8.31) I stand still in awe as He wins battles so flawlessly. With each victory He gives me, I have learned to do less and believe more. I worry less and pray more. I stress less and trust more. I say less and glorify more.

GOD is SO GOOD. Words aren't good enough to truly express the goodness of God. I can't believe how much He loves me, how much He has done for me and how much He wants to do for me. I feel so small and insignificant on this planet, but to God, I matter. I am important to Him and what goes on in my life concerns Him.

I just wanted to take a moment to give God glory because of who He is and all He does. Even the things I can't see and won't ever know.

Yet again, God gave me victory over the one who has chosen by his free will, to be an instrument of the enemy, against me. Drama has two faces, comedy and tragedy. What went on in court was a comical tragedy. When my husband spoke, he made no sense whatsoever. Even the judge had to ask him several times, "What are you talking about???" He stammered and stuttered, repeated himself and went in circles.

I just shook my head, almost laughing on the inside. I made eye contact with a couple of the court personnel that were up behind the bench with the judge and we had the same look on our faces, a smirk and a silent, "This is so ridiculous," as they shook their heads too.

The judge dealt with his petition in which he accused me of violating the court order regarding his visitation first. He stated in his petition that he had, "been denied visitation completely."  (Remember, he had stopped coming to see the children 8 months ago.) The judge began looking through all the hearings and orders from 2009 trying to figure out where to begin.

I told her that I could clarify things and quickly explained that visitation was being handled in Pennsylvania through Catholic Charities and I had the paperwork to show her. She took my evidence, looked through it, then looked up at him and said, "Sir, when did you plan on telling me about this case in Pennsylvania?" His sad attempt at an explanation for misleading the court, made sense to no one but him. She cut him off and said, "There was a hearing in PA, you appeared, she appeared, there was a ruling. This case is under PA jurisdiction."

He kept going around and around in his attempt to explain to her that PA shouldn't have been involved because the final order was from NY. I can never really repeat much of what he says verbatim, because it's so Mad Hatter, it's hard to follow without a script. In any event, she basically told him that it was in PA's hands and he has to take it up, down here.


Next, his petition for a permanent order of protection, for which he was granted a temporary one on October 21, 2010. In his lie filled petition to be protected from me, he accused me of posting lies on the Internet about him (my blog) that amounted to libel, calling his business associates to slander his good name and "assassinate his character" (one of his favorite phrases), said I was homicidal, and that he was afraid of me. Go ahead, laugh! LOL!!! A man who spent a decade being violent and abusive to me, wants someone to believe he needs protection from me! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Again, this was an easy one for the judge. She and I both understood why there was nothing wrong with my talking about my experience in my blog online or anywhere else for that matter. It's called the 1st Amendment; that bothersome part of the Constitution that irritates people who want to shut other people up and control them. I already knew that the truth is an absolute and obvious defense to both libel and slander. The judge had to inform him of that bit of reality.

He must have forgotten that our three oldest children witnessed all the abuse. He must have forgotten my oldest son, witnessed the abuse almost every time he came to visit. He must have forgotten that he told my mother he would never hit me again after she found out he fractured my rib. He must have forgotten the times I fled to my father's or sister's house with the children after an altercation. He must have forgotten that he admitted it to outsiders who I sought help from - like Rev. Clarke from Safe Horizons, an elder that we met with at Christian Cultural Center, Pastor Durso, Pastor Thomas & our marriage counselors, the Walkers, at Christ Tabernacle.

Another defense to libel is opinion. I had lived with and had known this man intimately for 11 years. Based on my direct interaction, knowledge and experience with him, I most definitely have certain opinions about his behavior and character and I'm entitled to express them.

In any event, when she reminded him of my right to free speech and to say what I want to whomever I want to say it, he asked her if she can order me to.......stop harassing him. She told him she can't order me to do anything.  She said, "If she were contacting YOU, if she were emailing YOU, if she was doing something directly to YOU, then I could deal with that." When I write or talk to others, that is not harassment toward him. As he kept trying to go on, she had to let him know that there are people in serious danger that come into that court seeking protection. People with broken bones, serious injuries and those in danger of death from the psychos in their lives. What he was doing was taking up the court's time with nonsense.


So will he go back to his workshop and cook up another scheme to bother me? Maybe. You know what they say about an idle mind. She said that if he felt he had a case then it would be a civil matter, possibly criminal, or because of the Internet, maybe even federal. But at the end of the day, I had the right to say what I wanted to say. I was thinking to myself, "Good, Lord! Why in the world is she giving this guy any ideas?" Not because I'm worried, but because I am tired of being hassled by my former batterer. Leaving was supposed to be the end of him bothering me. 

Seriously....a federal case? Why? Because I talk about what he did to me? There's no spousal privilege or gag orders here. Criminal? Really? What would the charges be? Not keeping secrets anymore?  
Civil? HAHAHA! If the defaming statements are TRUE, then there's no injury to be compensated. And how can you try and sue someone for fake damages when in reality YOU OWE THEM $40,000? That one is the funniest of them all! 
He has no grounds on which to sue me or bring any kind of charges against me. He's starting to remind me of O.J. Someone who got away with murder, but just couldn't keep himself out of a courtroom, because he couldn't be cool. They think they're so smart, when they're actually.......just human versions of Wile E. Coyote......SUPER GENIUS.

Well, he can do what he wants. I trust in the Lord and He told me not to worry about evil people or fret about their wicked schemes. He said the wicked will be destroyed and in a little while disappear. One day I'll look around and all of this will be gone. All I have to do is continue to trust in the Lord and commit my ways to Him. The wicked plot against the godly, but the Lord laughs at them, because He knows their day of reckoning is coming. Judgment is on its way. I'm living my life to make God happy and I'm raising my children to trust and love Him. So if God is laughing, I can laugh too! And after I finish laughing, I will pray some more. I'll take turns laughing and praying!

Jesus told me to love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me. So I will be obedient and continue to show him the kind of love Jesus would, by not paying him evil for evil. I will love him by continuing to walk in forgiveness toward him, keeping my heart pure before the Lord. Praying is my pleasure and free gift of love for him. I hope one day he can be loosed from the bondage that he is in. He can't possibly feel good on the inside when he's manifesting so much bad on the outside. He has to be in pain, where it comes from, only God truly knows. And as Joyce Meyer says, "Hurting people, hurt people." I feel compassion for any human being that is in pain - even the person who caused me and my children so much. 

The visitation hearing that was scheduled for January 12th down in PA was canceled due to snow. I was hoping all of them would have been over by now, but I have to wait for a new date. I trust God with every little thing that concerns our lives and believe that we shall see victory again. I will keep you posted.

Thank you to my family and friends for your continued love and prayers. I love you. God bless.

January 6, 2011

Behold, I Will Do a New Thing

Happy New Year!!!
"Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43.18-19

God is SO GOOD and SO FAITHFUL!!! Hallelujah & Glory to Him!!! What a year 2010 was. It started out bitter, but it ended so sweet!

January 8, 2011 will mark the 2nd anniversary of the day my children and I walked out on a life of fear and pain and into a season of healing and freedom. Last Christmas we were in a shelter, but the kids had the best Christmas (gift wise) ever! This year we celebrated our 1st Christmas of not only freedom and healing, but in our new home as well, one of God's greatest gifts to us this past year.

This year there wasn't a sea of gifts to amaze their eyes, but there was the gift of life, peace and love that filled their hearts. My kids and I have always lived a simple life. We don't ask for much, we have learned to live with what we have ~ little and less; and appreciate what we get. I am so thankful for every little thing God does for us everyday and for all that He does through the good people He brings into our lives. I believe I am doing a good job of teaching my children not to be materialistic and to have thankful hearts. They know that they have a God and a mother that loves them very much.

My days are filled with hard work from my rising to my setting. Taking care of four children alone is no easy task, as any single mother knows, going out to work and coming home to more work. But somehow I make it through everyday. They go to school clean, they eat breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday, their homework is done, they are getting straight A's, they laugh & play, and they bring joy & smiles to those fortunate enough to encounter them.

I don't take any of that lightly and I give God 100% credit & honor for it. I couldn't do it without Him. It is His grace that carries me through each day. In the beginning of this new journey, I wasn't sure I'd make it. It was so hard, it felt like a weight crushing down on me, like my husband did all those years ago when he fractured my rib. It was hard to breathe and most days it was hard to catch my breath. A few times I thought I'd have a nervous breakdown, and a few times I thought that I'd breakdown and go back. But I didn't, God kept me and didn't let me fall. Now here we are, on the eve of two years abuse free, 730 difficult, yet amazing days!

We have spent this time in the University of Life, earning Masters degrees in faith and trusting God. He has been faithful and so good. Jesus promised us that in this life the trials and tribulations would keep coming. We weren't to be worried about them though, because He would help us to overcome them. So I don't worry, I pray and I keep it moving. We have overcome a lot, but the enemy keeps pressing in, so I have to keep pressing on and through.

As I may have mentioned before, this Friday, January 7th, 2011, will be the 6th anniversary of my marriage. My husband and I will be in the same room on Friday, but sadly it won't be to celebrate anything. We will be sitting in a courtroom in Queens Family Court to deal with the false petitions he has filed against me. I am not worried at all because I have the truth, God is an invincible army, and He's on my side. He doesn't fight for me because He loves me more than my husband, He loves us the same. He fights my battles because I am living my life for Him. I'm not perfect, but my heart is perfect towards Him. I make mistakes everyday, but I am obedient, I trust Him and cast my cares on Him.

I continue to leave my husband and any trouble he makes, to the Lord. There ain't a thing I can to about him or the things he does to me, but God can. And God will do what needs to be done that is in the best interest of all of us, including my husband. He needs help and God will help him if he wants to change, but that's between him and God. I pray that one day he will let God turn his life around for the redemption of his own humanity.

Two very strange anniversaries back to back....which one do I celebrate? How do I celebrate them? Lol....weird stuff. An anniversary for a marriage that is over and an anniversary for the walking out the door of an old life and into the door of a new life. I think the latter is the only one that makes sense to celebrate. Maybe I'll do something special with the kids without telling them why. Either way, I am happier and stronger than I've been in over a decade.

This is a new year, a new decade and I'm getting a sense of a very strong shift coming. I'm excited about what God has in store and will patiently watch God reveal all that He has already planned for us in this year. Daily asking for His guidance and direction, so I don't get out in front of Him or fall too far behind. I pray that you and your families have a prosperous New Year and that you seek God everyday and reach forward to the prize that He has put in front of you.

"Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls,Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation! The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!" Habakkuk 3.17-19 Amplified Bible