May 5, 2011

No Words Left to Say

Right now, I have no words left to say.
I have no way to articulate what I'm feeling and what I'm going through....but I'll try.

I'm tired....but that's not good enough to express how tired.
Fatigued, exhausted, weary, burnt out, beat, drained, & distressed,
weak, faint, vexed, overburdened, & depressed.

I'm mad....but that's not good enough to express how mad.
Angry, livid, furious, infuriated, & enraged,
hot, boiling, fiery, fuming, resentful, hateful,
irate, crabby, peeved, rancorous & deranged.

I'm lonely....but that's not good enough to express how lonely.
Abandoned, alone, deserted & forsaken
isolated, desolated, secluded, rejected, reclusive,
solitary, outcast, cast down, withdrawn & forlorn.

I'm sad....but that's not good enough to express how sad.
Unhappy, gloomy, heartbroken, dismal & heartsick,
melancholy, hurting, dark, gloomy, pitiful,
heavy hearted, dejected, lamentable & oppressed.

I'm lost....but that's not good enough to express how lost I feel I am.....
Confused, adrift, disoriented, gone, & astray,
wandering, vanished, devastated, annihilated, dissipated,
obliterated, eradicated, erased, wasted, vanquished, defeated....
I've strayed.

Can't find my way out
Can't find my way through

Tired of pushing against life
Tired of struggling to survive

Sick of the process
Sick of being a leftover
Worn out by the journey
Disappointed in my Creator

Don't wanna hold on
Don't wanna hang in
Don't wanna keep runnin'
Don't wanna be patient
Don't wanna get up
Don't wanna go over, under or through

I Know what I wanna do....
Stare out the window til the sun goes down
Sip through a straw til I don't hurt no more
I'm giving up
and giving in
Forget about what's right and do what I like
I wanna be me
I wanna do you

Oh, God

Dear Mama,
I'm looking up
where's my Father?

Can't see Him
Don't feel Him
His voice is silent....

I'm falling.....
redeem me
save me
catch me if you want to
catch me if you can....
Will you break my fall
or just break me...?
You make the call.
I'm done talking.
I'm done praying.

There are no words left to say....
For now, stick a fork in me cause
I'm done.