April 17, 2011

Daddy, You Missed My Birthday, Again.

Dear Mr. Jeff Trotter, I have an award to present to you.....drums please, (you can give me a beat on that beautiful djembe I bought you).....I would like to present you with the award for being the "World's Worst Dad!"
(wait for applause).

As it states on the award, it is in recognition of your outstanding deadbeat parenting, which includes not seeing your kids for a year, not paying child support, not calling them in 17 months, including on their birthdays, Christmas, any other significant day, just regular days, and not doing a damn thing that matters in their lives in a positive way! BRAVO!!! You were always the BEST at what you do, and you have continued to shine!
Please take a bow.

I know you couldn't care less, but on April 13th, 2011, our son, Joshua turned 5 years old. The last time you even wished him a Happy Birthday was when he turned 2. You haven't called him or either of his siblings for any of their birthdays, in 2009, 2010, and so far, 2011. Not only have you not called, you didn't send a text, email, e-card, regular card, smoke signal, Morse code, or attempted any communication of any kind. It goes without saying that they didn't get gifts from you for anything. You know what else they didn't get for their birthdays? Their child support.

But you know something funny? On April 13, 2011, on your son's birthday, you sent Verizon $250, to keep your cell phone on. How much did you pay in child support in April? Oh, right, nothing! 

You told me when I saw you in court on March 29th, that you pay your cell phone bill instead of the child support because you have to keep the line of communication open with the kids. I had to remind you that you haven't used that open line since November 2009. Oh, but I bet I know who you are  keeping that line open for, booty calls, some as far away as Moscow. Yeah, I know about your young Russian girlfriend G. You love her and are going to marry her? That's nice and fine, but you may want to be divorced first....oh, I forgot, you told her you were. But she found out the truth, your girl looked for and found me. The internet is amazing!

To my sweet, forever smiling, Joshua, I'm so so sorry that your dad is a worthless deadbeat, that would rather pay his cell phone bill, than pay your child support so that I could have given you that birthday party at Bounce U that you wanted.

Now Jeff, I know telling the truth is difficult, if not impossible, for you. I am convinced you have an anti-social personality disorder (aka: a sociopath), so it's not your fault. You can't help it. Maybe it was being abandoned by your dad or maybe it was passed down to you in his DNA. Maybe it was growing up with a mom that was cold and distant who could tell her black male child he's nothing but a N!G&ER! Maybe you were raped by one of those Catholic priests in the schools you attended and you've suppressed it. Maybe its a little bit of all of it. Maybe it's none of it. Maybe you're just broken. I don't know and you probably won't ever know either. Here's a link to a site that helped me understand what you are, maybe it can help you too.


You have ALL of the symptoms listed. I know, because I have known you for 13 years and lived with you for ten.
Here's the reality, its incurable. Sadly, you will be this way the rest of your life. You are incapable of love and only have shallow emotions. You lack empathy remorse or guilt. You are pathologically deceitful and extremely manipulative. You don't care about your kids because you can't. You don't care about what you did to me or to their lives, because you can't. You will continue to lie about everything in your life and what you did and what really happened, because that is how you are wired. I feel sorry for you.

You wear those sunglasses all the time because you know you have to hide your eyes. You can't let people look into them, otherwise they might see the horror - a cold lifeless gaze like that of a snake. Your eyes would give you away, and people would see what you are. You are a very scary person. I'm grateful that I escaped with my life, because you are totally capable of murder and could have killed me one day. Then you would have lied about what happened saying you were defending yourself from abusive me and manipulated our children into supporting your version of events.

So maybe I can make a deal with you in terms that speak to you. We both know you only keep interfering in our lives because you want to bother me. It has nothing to do with love for the children. I sacrifice every single day of my life for them. Every single day, everything I do is for my children. I work my fingers to the bone, I get 4-5 hours of sleep a night, and I have no social life outside of them. You do nothing, that ain't love.

Yeah, you can go ahead and laugh and gloat about the fact that I can't go partying and traveling the world doing drugs & having sex with anybody, like you can. I can't sleep until the afternoon and then get up and smoke a blunt, until I go hanging out at night. Yeah, you got your life to yourself and you have your freedom. Because of that, you think I am jealous of you. Ha! Nothing could be further from the truth. You are doing it as an empty lost soul. You love no one and no one loves you.

You are sad, and then one day you are going to die - alone. You will have nothing to show for your life but a trail of bloody, broken, wounded hearts. You will stand before the judgment seat of God and you will have to give an account for your life on that day. I do NOT want to be you! My children and grand children and great grandchildren will be by my side until the end of my days. I won't have enough room in my home to contain all the cards, gifts and handmade love I will receive from them. My heart will be full to overflowing from the joy and love they will have filled my life with.

So here's the deal I'd like to make you. Since you don't pay your child support and don't intend to, why don't you trade me the child support for you staying out of our lives forever? I'll withdraw the child support petition, ask them to cancel the order, if you will sign away your parental rights completely and agree to never file another asinine petition again. You will be completely free to continue doing what you've been doing for the last 2+ years, not seeing, calling or supporting, your kids. I am so sick & tired of you and the drama you bring.
I want nothing from you. I just want to live in peace with my children.

Think about it Jeff. To be free of child support for the next 17 years, just sign away your rights and walk away forever! All your money to do with as you please, without arrears and consequences building up against you. $2,500 a month for the next 10 years is: $300,000!!! That can buy you a lot of weed and a lot of hookers. Instead of just sneaking off to the red light district of Amsterdam for a day or two, doing drugs and hookers, like you did while we were together, you can go live there!

They don't need a Jeff-in-the Box, fake dad, that pops in and out of their lives every couple of years with cornbread and dollar store toys.

For the first time, do one right thing in your life. You don't want to see them, talk to them, support them?  Fine. Then please go away forever. They don't need you. 

Solomon said it best, he wants a dad, but he doesn't want a dad like YOU!