July 18, 2010

Another Monster Forced Out of the Closet

Well if you haven't heard by now, Mel Gibson is a batterer too, and according to his own words, capable of murdering the mother of his infant child. I don't get to watch much TV, so it was quite by accident that I even heard of what happened. I was at the laundromat the other night and Court TV was on and had been for a while. I hadn't been paying attention, but at one point glanced over and saw footage of Mel Gibson and heard some ranting and saw a transcript being displayed. 

Out of curiosity I got closer to see what the story was about. As I listened to his voice and saw the words that had been transcribed from an audio tape, I just shook my head in disgust. Although his ranting was very vulgar, undeniably ugly and downright dirty, for me it wasn't shocking. If they had traded the name Mel Gibson for Jeff Trotter and traded Mel's girlfriend's name for mine, it would be a retake of the last decade of my life. 

I identified with his girlfriend instantly. I had been spoken to that way many many times. I knew intimately what the experience was like. I remembered vividly how my own husband looked when he flew into a rage. The eyes bulging, the spit flying from his mouth, the contorted face of a twisted & very demented person that was out of control, extremely frightening and dangerous.
When she asked him what kind of man hits a woman holding a child, I saw flashes of the numerous times Jeff hit me while I held one of our children. I talked about it in one of my earlier posts. He hit me while I was tenderly nursing our newborn that was only a day or 2 old. He hit me in the face so hard, that I saw stars and my lip was busted, as I laid in bed nursing our 6 month old whose tiny face was only inches from mine. He used the children as weapons and shoved them into me. He would attack me with one hand while holding our baby in his other.

What kind of man does that Oksana? Any kind. Rich man, poor man. White man, black man. Christian, Muslim, Jew. Saint or sinner. His man, her man. Your man, my man. Any effed up man will do it, and we both had one girl.

Mel broke her teeth, Jeff fractured my rib. Jeff & Mel used the "F" & "B" words like Mark Furhman used the "N" word. I am always sorry to hear of any woman or child having to experience the nightmare of living with a terrorist mate or father, it is devastating. 

But what I think is so great about this situation is that she got him on tape performing like that. That is what goes on behind closed doors when no one else is around. That is how they talk to us right in our faces before the hitting begins. Quite often and in my case most often, right in front of our children. People need to know and understand that these men are masters of disguise. They are actors by nature and liars by trade. What you see is never what you get with them.

When we try and tell people, they are usually shocked and find it hard to imagine that the guy they know that is so charming and personable could be capable of the behavior we describe. Sometimes they don't believe us and accuse us of exaggerating or say that it couldn't possibly be as bad as all that. Some will flat out accuse us of lying for some mysterious alternative agenda. Some don't wanna hear it, like when I tried to tell Jeff's mother about what he was doing years ago.. 

Well, thanks to his high profile public image, we have another monster that has been forced out of the closet. 

Good for you Oksana for exposing his phony double life! These men are cowards. They would never deal with other men this way. They reserve the worst behavior only for the women and children that are vulnerable to them because of the love we have for them and relationship we have with them.To use the love people have for you and your relationship with them as a weapon for abuse and pain is nothing less than abominable.  

What sickens me almost as much is that there are people who still explain and excuse away his behavior. "He was being bled dry by some skank gold digger." "If she stuck around, then she deserve what she got." "The tape is spliced, anybody could put anything together, it's not even his voice." 

Wow! People will do anything to support a batterer instead of hold him accountable for his horrifying and inexcusable actions. But those same people are probably abusive themselves. It's easy to say that someone should leave someone they love right away when you aren't the one emotionally attached to and invested in the relationship. You aren't the one that is hoping every time you see a glimmer of good behavior, that this is the time he's really sorry and is going to change, and the relationship and family will be saved. Let's see  how fast any of you would walk away from a relationship the instant your mate yelled at you or even hit you, when they followed it with a sincere sounding apology. 

As impressed as I was with the job Mel Gibson did on depicting his interpretation of the last hours of the life of Christ and the immense agony that the journey to the cross had to have been in The Passion of the Christ, I am equally repulsed with knowing behind it all, he is another family terrorist. 

Anyone can hurt people they don't know and not think twice about it. But how do you hurt the people in your own family?
Now, is Mel a human being capable of making a mistake? Sure.
Is he able to receive God's forgiveness and mercy? 
Am I judging him and casting the first stone? 
Not at all, for we all have sinned and fall short of God's glory. I have to go to the throne of mercy many times a day.

I don't even care about his racist, nigger, Jew, and wetback comments. Whatever. He has to live with the hate in his own heart. 

The problem I have with Mel, is the same problem I have with all abusive people - they will never change. Something like 98-99% of them will always be the way they are. They don't change for a number of reasons. One reason is that they are such liars, they can never admit they have a problem, which is the beginning point of change. They hide behind the persona they have created and that people outside of the relationship believe is the real them. They can't let go of that. They play it so well, that I believe on some levels they actually come to believe it themselves.

Another reason is they don't think they are the problem, WE are. "If you didn't talk to me like that. If you didn't dress like that. If you weren't flirting with that guy. If you didn't burn my dinner. If you cleaned the house. If you had sex with me when I wanted it.....," ad infinitum. There is no end to the reasons batterers attack. It is IMPOSSIBLE to ever make these people happy. You will go insane trying, because there's always something else.

Well Mel, you've been put on blast!!! Try and put her in that rose garden now! Your name can go down in infamy with O.J. Simpson, another psycho batterer and double murderer. Your name can go down with George Huguely who murdered lacrosse playerYeardley Love and Jose Medina that murdered Sheila Wallace, my cousin and mother of 3 children. Let your name forever be associated with Rihanna beater Chris Brown.

You are all cut from the same cloth. The only thing that separates Mel Gibson and Jeff Trotter from the previous mentioned murderers is that you didn't get to it before we left you and exposed you. But you are just as capable as you so nicely admitted Mel. My husband would have killed or maimed me one day, most likely in front of of my children. It's usually all just a matter of time because the level and frequency of violence doesn't decrease over time, it escalates.

You escape with your children and your life and you think, "Whew!" But then, just as in my case, they try and take our children from us. You end up entangled in long legal battles with them over the kids. Don't be fooled for one second, the custody petitions they file have nothing to do with the children or their love for them. They are using the children to punish us for leaving them.

If they loved their kids they wouldn't beat their mothers, especially in front of them. The children are just as much a weapon as their fists, mouths, or money. My husband wouldn't give his children the brand new beds that we bought for them when I asked him for them. It is on the record for all time in court. He can never deny he said no. His hired mouth denying his children beds on his behalf, so that he can continue to attempt his abuse of me. They are so very pathetic, its not even close to funny.

They are the source of nightmares, they are the real monsters in the closets and under the beds. They are bad men who call themselves husbands and fathers. They are cowards and scummy low lives. They need Jesus, but they are too proud and twisted to seek the only One that can save them from themselves. 

God with Your righteous judgment and perfect ways, You handle these wretched men and please save the women and the babies that are imprisoned in a life with them.