July 14, 2010


You owe your children and me,

Your children want to remain in the school that they love - it costs money
Your children want to get involved in sports - it costs money.
Your children want to take music lessons - it costs money.

Your children want to go on a vacation like their friends - it costs money.
Your children need new beds for their new home - it costs money.
Your children need diapers, shoes, and clothing - it costs money.

You come to court with a effing lawyer that you are PAYING you mother$%@#R!!!
You come to court talking about (said in dumb ghetto voice), "I love my kids."

Sounding like another good for nothing bum N!@#$R that loves to OBTAIN babies but not MAINTAIN those babies.
You DON'T SEE your children.
You DON'T CALL your children.
You DON'T SUPPORT your children.
You don't even call them on their birthdays.
You are the scum of the earth.

You see people on the street and you want to tell them, "I didn't beat my wife." Well why were you in court ordered BATTERER'S SCHOOL for 6 months? Why did you spend a night in jail after being arrested for violating my order of protection? Why did you spend the weekend in jail after you were arrested in 1996 for assaulting NANCY?


Why do you have your mother that defends your behavior, call me to ask if she can come with you when you come see the kids? Oh, because you want her to think that I'm keeping the kids from you, when in REALITY, YOU STOPPED coming to see them!

You are a low life LIAR!!!

You hired a lawyer and PAID him to fight the petition that I filed to end the visits and the court being as generous as they are to abusive fathers as yourself, gave you 3 months of supervised visits. Three months for you to play DAD of the YEAR and pretend to be what you are not. But you stopped coming after 3 visits. You get your boys all happy about seeing you, looking forward to spending an hour with your DUMB MONKEY NEANDERTHAL A$$ and the bags of cheap toys and candy you bring, then you just abruptly stop coming. I keep trying to tell these stupid circus show courts about what you are...but they give you another chance anyway. And what do you do? You do JEFF & EFF it up. Bravo!!!

I don't care anymore about what you did to me. I am SO over you. I don't care if the kids never see you again. As a matter of fact, I think it would be best, given your character, nature, history and track record with them.  But I do care about whether or not you support them,  because that affects the standard and level of life they can live. That affects how much they can do and experience. For that, I will come after you like a blood thirsty hound. I will pound on the doors of the courthouse to have them pursue you. And if you don't pay, then you can get locked up with all of the other stupid criminals.

You still getting high all day everyday JUNKIE??? 
You smoking & drinking your kid's money away???

And just to let you know, your kids and I have continued to pray for you and your lost soul since the day we left. But you know what? Today, I pray you rot in the hell you create for us.

To any one other than Jeff that is reading this post, I'm sorry, but I had to vent today. I'm getting hit with a lot of things back to back. I'm working a lot and sleeping a little. Saying I'm a bit angry right now is an understatement. So if you are all sensitive and shocked about my thoughts, feelings, words or whatever, then I'm sorry, you'll just have to forgive me or don't. I'm living my life for me and I ain't aiming to please anybody. Nobody's living their life to please me right? So we all good! (bad English, I know.)

Was this post un-Christian like? Maybe. But you know what? Christians are people that aren't perfect, just redeemed because of the acceptance of a gift from God that is available to anyone who wants to receive it. I am a major work in progress and I'm not a hypocrite. I keep it real with my feelings and don't try to pretend that I don't have thoughts that aren't so pure & righteous. I'm just a wretched, miserable, sorry sinner, saved by God's grace, mercy, love, and free gift of eternal life. Take that away, and I'm just Tee. The person who has been wounded in various ways all of her life, the person that ain't nice all the time and doesn't laugh or smile 24 hours a day. The person that struggles with doubt, unbelief and sometimes yields to temptation.

But you know what else? I know who I am. I have been purchased with a high price. God says, He loves me just as I am, I'm forgiven, I'm righteous, I'm His child and His friend. I am His and He is mine and nothing can ever separate me from His love. And that's good enough for me.

God knows what I'm dealing with, He'll straighten me out. Christ already took care of every bad thing I'll ever think, say or do. And I don't take it lightly. I try not to abuse His grace.

But some days.......oh boy....some days are just harder than others. Some days, unfortunately....my flesh wins and has it's way.

He sees my burdens and knows my issues.
He sees and hears me cry out everyday.
He knows where I've been, where I'm going and what I've been through, down to every tiny detail.
He knows what He's allowing, why He's allowing it, and the end result of it in my life.
He knows I'm not what I should be yet, but He also knows I'm not what I used to be.
He knows the end at the beginning.
He knows every part of Tee.
I got a lot of years of struggles and  tears ahead of me.
And although most of you will never see a single tear fall from my eyes,
God sees them and He'll catch them all.