September 8, 2009

The Devil is a Liar

This coming Thursday I will go to the court of man to stand against the devil. You probably think I'm talking about my husband, but I'm not. Although based on my husband's actions, I could consider him evil. And based on the fact that he is a pathological liar and God said the devil is the father of liars, I could call him Satan Jr.

My husband will be there alright, all dressed up in suit and tie, with his dreads all coiffed, at a table with his lawyer. The papers say "Trotter v. Trotter," and in that courtroom he is indeed my adversary. But in actuality, he is just the willing flesh and blood vessel that the devil has chosen to embody to wage war against me. God said that we don't really fight against other people, "but against principalities, powers and rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." (Ephesians 6:12)

I am talking about the real devil, the one that hates all mankind and comes only to kill, steal and destroy. He is using my husband to try and steal my children, destroy our lives, and kill my spirit.

But the devil is a liar.

I can't fight him and I'm glad I don't have to. God said He will do it. God told me that the battle is not mine anyway, it's His. "This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God' will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the LORD's victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the LORD is with you!"
(2 Chronicles 20:15 & 17)

Trust me, in the natural it's hard not to be anxious, my kids are at stake. It's not just who has physical custody of them, but it's also the repeated traumatization that I am trying to protect them from. They are beginning to heal little by little as we put our lives back together. We have been abuse free for 243 days now and it definitely makes a difference. Even if they are never exposed to abuse again, being around the person who was the perpetrator of it can still have negative effects on them.

It's not that I don't want them to ever see their father again. I want them to be able to spend time with their father eventually. But I want him to get help for his problem first. He should be in a batterer's program for at least six months and should be in counseling for being a victimizer instead of playing the victim as he has been doing.

He has lied to his children right to their faces, in front of the social worker who he was paying to supervise visits. When his 5 year old son asked him, "Daddy, why did you hit mommy?" He told him, "I didn't hit mommy." My daughter said, "Yes, you did." He looked her straight in the face and told her in a stern voice, "Justina, I never hit mommy."

Sadly, not only did the kids see him hit me, they began to participate in an attempt to help me, by kicking, hitting & throwing things at him. They screamed and cried in fear and had nightmares. And with a straight face, he can tell them it never happened.

This is what I want to protect them from, more psychological & emotional abuse. Unfortunately, the court system doesn't always do what's right and protect victims from further victimization. Quite often the batterers and terrorists in the home are successful at convincing so called educated people, that they are being treated unfairly. For some reason, the courts don't treat men who beat on their wives and horrify their kids like they treat other criminals.

Crimes against one's family seem to be considered less offensive. If my husband did to strangers what he had been doing to me for years, he would be considered a dangerous and violent felon. But I have to prove that it wasn't me. I have to explain why I didn't do this and why I didn't do that. I am the one that is put on trial.

I have to explain why I stayed with an angry and mean man. I have to explain why I chose to forgive him time and time again. I have to explain why I tried to save my family from becoming another broken statistic. I have to explain why I chose to love someone who was unloving to me.

Well I can't explain it in a way that makes sense to anyone who hasn't gone through it. It won't make sense to those who know nothing about walking in love and trusting God to work it all out. So I must give this battle to the Lord. Even at times when I felt He had forgotten all about me, He was there. I have to trust Him. He's never failed me yet.

There is power in prayer and the more that goes up, the better. So if you get a moment, say a prayer for me and my children as we face yet another mountain that God must move for us. I don't know how God's gonna work it out, I just believe that He will. No matter what comes, God is in control.

To My Dear Husband,

After all the years of pain given to me, you still pursue me with a desire to hurt me, as Pharaoh pursued the children of Israel. You come after me with your money, your lawyer and your lies and it gives you a false sense of power. I come to you in the name of the Lord and He is the one who goes before me. He will be with me; He will neither fail me nor forsake me. (1 Samuel 17:45; Deuteronomy 31:8)

I will continue to pray for you, as the children and I have been doing since we left. We pray for you to find yourself and find your way back to God. Maybe one day you'll be able to fight the demons within you. We ask God to help us to forgive you for all that you have done to hurt us. It has kept me from feeling bitterness towards you. In my heart I still love you and I actually feel sorrow for you. You have lost more than you realize.

Those who bring trouble on their families inherit only the wind. (Proverbs 11:29)

Here's one of my favorite songs by Yolanda Adams. It gives me strength in times of trouble and reminds me who's fight it really is.