September 19, 2009

Wonder Woman Gets Weary Too

Today was one of those days.
One of those days when
I am overwhelmed
And overcome by
Being over loaded
And over burdened
And over exhausted.
One of those days when
Wonder Woman's
Super strength and stamina
Is defeated by the little people.
One of those days when
The reality of loneliness
And manlessness
Reveals my humanness and
Exposes my secret softness,
Which I despise
Because it feels
Like weakness.
I guess I'm not invincible.
I guess all the pain's
Not yet all gone.
Doesn't matter.
The tears will come
I'll push through
And the tears will go.
I'll press on
No matter
What's going on
I will be strong.

Hey, what can I say? Everyday it gets better. Some days it feels like it's worse. Some times I feel angry at the injustice. I attend the pity party the enemy throws for me as he whispers in my ear how devastated my life is. How I have been left "holding the bag." How no one will ever want me. How my life will never be fun again; just all work, all day, everyday, until I'm about 60.

Some days I don't wanna be Super Mom. Sometimes I just need a big strong hug and the closest I can get to that is cuddling up with my baby. My friend tells me that I have come out on top, even though at times it feels like there is no lower bottom.

I hear Joyce Meyer saying, "You can be pitiful or you can be powerful." I know which one I choose. So I will get up everyday whether I've had six hours of straight sleep or the usual three broken hours. I will do all I need to do and do it until I collapse every night, knowing that minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, I am getting closer to something. Closer to when it all makes sense, when all the pieces of the puzzle fit and the picture is revealed.

But for now, Super Mom is super tired. The baby is finally sleeping again in my arms. I'll lay him down and lay down with him and take my nap with Emmanuel.

Something Inside So Strong